Melissa Yearly, a resident of Russell Street in Portland’s West End, was seen at the Deering Oaks Park farmers’ market on the morning of Saturday, August 5th. According to eyewitnesses, a wad of cash sat coiled in the cup holder of a baby stroller that Yearly pushed with an air of authority.
An anonymous source confesses, “When I saw her thundering down the thoroughfare, I knew it was time to step aside. She had the look of a woman ready to make it rain in the name of local organic farming.”
Observers report that Yearly swaggered up to Green Sparks Farm and plucked out two heads of locally grown lettuce. “Can you break a one-hundred?” she said loudly, waving a crisp Benjamin under Farmer Chadd’s nose.
Then she sauntered over to Snell Family Farm, where she bought herself a bouquet. “I don’t need a man to do this for me,” she declared to Farmer Snell as she tucked the flowers into the bottom of her stroller.
The day wouldn’t be complete without dropping yet another c-note, this time into the unassuming hands of Farmer Cavendish of Fishbowl Farm. “Actually, what she did was rain bills down over my head,” explains Cavendish, gesturing to a pile of cash money.
As Yearly strode back towards Park Avenue, one observer noted that two more hundo spots peeked out from her back pocket. Reports hold that Yearly strutted into The Holy Donut, where she shelled out still more greenbacks for a box of dark chocolate sea salt doughnuts--an investment which Portlandish staff believes is worth every penny.
An anonymous source confesses, “When I saw her thundering down the thoroughfare, I knew it was time to step aside. She had the look of a woman ready to make it rain in the name of local organic farming.”
Observers report that Yearly swaggered up to Green Sparks Farm and plucked out two heads of locally grown lettuce. “Can you break a one-hundred?” she said loudly, waving a crisp Benjamin under Farmer Chadd’s nose.
Then she sauntered over to Snell Family Farm, where she bought herself a bouquet. “I don’t need a man to do this for me,” she declared to Farmer Snell as she tucked the flowers into the bottom of her stroller.
The day wouldn’t be complete without dropping yet another c-note, this time into the unassuming hands of Farmer Cavendish of Fishbowl Farm. “Actually, what she did was rain bills down over my head,” explains Cavendish, gesturing to a pile of cash money.
As Yearly strode back towards Park Avenue, one observer noted that two more hundo spots peeked out from her back pocket. Reports hold that Yearly strutted into The Holy Donut, where she shelled out still more greenbacks for a box of dark chocolate sea salt doughnuts--an investment which Portlandish staff believes is worth every penny.
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